How does the church treat Christians who go through a divorce? I guess the answer would depend on the type of church you belong to. For the conservative type of churches, which I generally attend, it is often frowned upon, and even condemned as sinful.
However, if you look online for answers on this topic, you will become all the more confused. How is it these people seem to know without a shadow of doubt that they are correct? Or do they know the real truth? Could their viewpoint be a by-product of tradition? Or is it something they know is correct?
What I have found over the years is that any person can take the Bible in any English or foreign translation, and make it say what they want it to say.
Do you believe baptism is necessary for salvation? Well, there are about three Bible verses you can use to pound it into someone's head that you are correct. Do you believe baptism is not necessary for salvation? You also, equally can find verses to prove your viewpoint as well.
The question, though, is: "Did they actually prove anything?" Or are they just thinking some mantra of verses makes them right?
Yes, I can open up the Bible and argue a myriad of viewpoints on the divorce topic. Easily 10 different viewpoints. Just pick and choose the verses that fit my viewpoint and go at it.
Yet, as we can see, we are not being honest. Rather, we are being selfish. We are molding the Bible into what we want it to say. Or what our parents say it says. Or our pastor.
Take a look at my first article I wrote for this website, here. I have taken a Bible verse that 98% of Christians believe says one thing, and have shown, they are incorrect through very sound argumentation.
How could so many Christians be wrong? Well, it is a logical error to think that a "plea to majority" proves anything. Even if 100% of all Christians believe a doctrine, it does not make it sound or correct.
I think the problem here is a result of not wanting to spend the time to seek the truth on a topic. We spend just enough time to prove to ourselves, we are correct. And then stop. Yet, is not the biggest obstacle to your growth, YOURSELF? So, how is proving something to yourself proof for anything? Perhaps you want to hear it is correct and find just enough info to satisfy yourself.
Regarding my first marriage, I thought I had the infallible argument. I believed that if both of us are Christians, we could always fix our marriage.
Actually, this is a correct viewpoint. However, can you assume that your spouse will always be a Christian? Can you assume you will always be a Christian?
So, this is where things can become hairy. If one is not under Jesus' Lordship, can we expect them to do the right thing?
If I profess to be a Christian, yet my works deny Him, is my faith good for something? Or is it just good for nothing?
Does going to church make me a Christian? Does saying a prayer make me a Christian? What if I prayed the Sinner's Prayer 5 years ago? Does that not make me a Christian?
Well, if I prayed the Sinners Prayer 5 years ago, but today, I do not have a repentant heart towards God, where am I? According to neo-calvinists, you are "still saved".
So, according to some in the church, I can live like the Devil and make it into Heaven.
It is like I have taken God's "scheme" for getting saved and found some loophole.. Haha God, I prayed the prayer.. Now you can not send me to Hell!
No, you are laughing, while on that wide road that leads to destruction. Seriously, you might as well not call yourself a Christian.
This is what my first wife believed. That you could pray a prayer and that was good enough.. God had to save you now. Like a cosmic jinx on God. Ha, God you are stuck with me now.
Its unfortunate, because my first wife would still say she was Christian, yet her works would deny him daily, monthly and even yearly.
Can a Christian spread false rumors about someone? Can a Christian call their spouse swear words non-stop without ever apologizing?
I could imagine a Christian doing many foolish things. But the one that I really could not explain away was the unrepentance. Staying in sin or pretending like you did no sin.
Can a Christian do all manner of evil to their spouse and be a Christian? Does not scripture say anyone who hates his brother, does not know God?
Or is scripture a joke? Or can we just annex scripture, because it says.. If I have faith, I am saved?
Is the preacher right who says, you just need faith? Well?
Yes and No. Dead faith will not save anyone. Living faith will save everyone.
But what is living faith, asks the Pharisee? Trying to find yet another loophole in God's Word.
Or, can not two people divorce for ANY reason? This is what the pharisees were asking Jesus.
And why did they ask him this? Because they had found all manner of loopholes for divorce. So they could divorce literally for any reason (they made any action they could to be "unclean").
So what is unclean? Well Jesus was not saying.. you can not divorce.. He was saying, you pharisees made uncleanness to mean anything.. And Jesus' idea of "uncleanness" was far more strict.
So, they had taken the law and tried to find loopholes. How can I make the Bible say what I want it to say??
How can I manipulate the Bible to fit my desire. My doctrine. Does this sound familiar?
Do you manipulate the Bible?
Are you a Pharisee? Do you make the Bible say what you want it to say? Add more where it is not warranted? Afterall, you think all nudity is evil. And how could God allow such a wicked thing?
Or maybe you like to take away from scripture? Maybe loosen up the laws a little? Maybe it really means you can divorce for ANY reason?
Do you think muslims are holy? How is it that chastity became a holy thing? If I eat a certain way, am I more holy? If I drink a certain way, am I more holy?
If I deny myself pleasure, am I holy? How about cover my wife? Or does this reflect my sinful nature? Maybe I don't want other men to look at my wife and see her curves? Maybe because, I know myself. I know I am sinful.. And I crave things and want things I can not have.. So I don't want others to crave that way?
Why is it everytime I talk to someone who lived in a muslim country, they share a crazy story about men raping women? Even multiple men, raping even foreigners who are just visiting?
Because they deprive themselves of sex, of even seeing a woman's legs, arms, or even face. They are so deprived, that they are starving. And like animals and brute beasts they just pounce on the first opportunity.
Women are degraded. Treated like property by muslim men. Not all muslim men. I know many who are very wonderful people. One I knew here named Tajeb. He was a very good man. He was one muslim I really respected a lot.
However, Islam plays on men's weakness and evil nature. It tells men to think low of women. To think of them as mere property. It is no wonder rape is rampant in muslim countries. It is their doctrine that encourages such a mindset.
Can we not learn something from our human nature? Why is it you tell yourself it is a sin to see a nude woman? And then, you hypocritically look at them behind closed doors?
Why is it you tell everyone in church, you are with clean hands and then soil them later?
Maybe it is because your doctrine does not fit your design. God designed you to like sex. God designed you with desires. For food. For sex.. For many things. Friendship.. Happiness. To achieve goals, etc.
Regarding marriage, why is it some women think that the solution to their husbands porn problem is to deny them sex? and to kick them out of the house?
How does denying your husband sex solve his porn problem?
Really, it is amazing how our anti-sex culture works in conservative Christian churches. I saw one video on MTV where a man was kicked out of his own home for having a porn problem.
He has three kids. He has to drive to his own house everyday. He is very honest and open with his wife.
Yet, his wife thinks somehow, it is loving to deny her husband sex. Like some sort of tough love trick.
Let me ask you something. If I was fat and had a problem with going off to McDonalds when no one is looking, would my wife's solution of kicking me out of the house solve my problem? Would her not cooking for me anymore solve my problem? Or would it compound it?
Would her threatening him with divorce if he goes to McDonalds one more time, solve the problem?
Will her refusing to say I love you solve the problem? Or make it worse?
Consider the fact that porn is free and accessible from any computer or phone. How is it that a wife thinks, if she denies her husband sex and threatening him with divorce is going to solve his porn problem?
With my previous marriage this was not the reason we had a divorce. My ex wife had a personality disorder problem. Where she would lie, spread rumors and do many malicious things.
I prayed for a year straight from a couch for my marriage. Everyday asking God to fix it. In tears.
God even told me how many times she would leave me. I spiritually saw three claw marks on our marriage photo, prior to her leaving the second time. And she left me exactly three times.
I even told her before she did it. I prayed everyday with full faith. I even spent a couple years trying to win her back..
In the end, we still had a divorce. I asked God, "WHY?" Why would you allow this to happen to me? Why would you not answer my prayers? Why would she not change???
God said two words to me, "Free will". He said that she has the free will to do as she likes. Her own desires.. So, if a person is not a Christian, they can do whatever they want. They are not under God's Lordship, and do not see any reason to follow His Commands. You can not convince someone to act right, if they do not want to. Even God honors free will.
Even praying since then, I never sensed God would fix the relationship. It seemed like he was protecting me from it happening over and over with her. Like he wanted me to just move on with my life. He never told me, "OK, now fix the marriage". Its like the took the wind out of my sails and took away all of my hope it would fix.
Now, I am in a new relationship. And feel like God brought it to pass.
How do I know if it was from God or not?
Well, I can tell you this. She and I were both on eHarmony.com. She already had "conditions" in her mind when looking for her husband. One of her conditions was NOT to be with someone who had been through a divorce. Also, she had a condition not to be with someone who had children. Well, I had both. As you can imagine already, I am not on the top of her list.
But for some reason, she felt like God was telling her to write me and to consider me. So, she wrote me. Further, I did not see the message for about two weeks. I had stopped looking on there. But, I went through one day and saw her message and started to write her.
After a few emails, I had decided I did not like her. I had already made up my mind and was going to tell her I was not interested.
The main reason was because of something she said.. Or, atleast, something I thought she said. I was sure she said something that made me believe she was not a Christian. But God spoke to me. And said, reread her email. I actually argued with God. I told him, "I already read it. I know what it says.. What is the point?"
So, I went and reread her email and realized, I had misread it the first time. This for me was a sign that God wanted me to consider her.
Since then, we have been together about one year.
And I don't keep secrets from her. She knows about this website. She likes it actually and has no problem with such topics or content. She watches porn and really does not see what the big deal is with some conservative Western Christian mentality on the matter.
She and I have chosen not to keep secrets from each other. And to always be faithful to each other. This is the crux regarding the topic of our relationship with God or our spouse. To not cheat or defraud.
It is not a list of do's and don'ts that do not make sense. God has a theory behind what he does and says. It is wise to understand God's theory, rather than just applying a formula to your life.
So, God's Word is not a bunch of formulas that you try to find loopholes around. It is a theory and has formulas for various circumstances.
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