In this article, I discuss the place of sex and eroticism within the Christian's life, as it seems to be a topic that gives believers a lot of difficulty. So you know up front, this article will not be your standard dogma or viewpoint on this topic.
God's design is essentially that sex is for marriage. However, that does not mean other things are not permissible. Going on romantic or erotic vacations, using erotic toys, movies, games, etc to spice up your sex life is all acceptable. God's design is less restrictive than the common conservative viewpoint on the topic.
God's ideal is for you to keep it within the marriage bonds.. However, this does not mean all sexual activity outside of marriage is a sin. For instance, masturbation, use of toys, movies as a single Christian is not a sin. Also, if an unmarried woman has sex with a man, it is not declared a sin within scripture (I prove this point, in this article here). In the Old Testament, a man and a virgin woman(still in her father's household) who have sex before marriage are told to marry, unless the father refuses the man. No blood sacrifice is required for this act to atone for it, therefore, it is not a sin.
So, what is my point? My point is, if you are married, the ideal is to keep all sex related activity between you and your spouse. But, this does not mean, it is a sin to have fun, to become comfortable with your sexuality, to give yourself some breathing room and not worry about if this that or the other is a sin all the time. God is not the one imposing all the rules on you.. Such things as you watching pornography, having fantasies, outdoor sex or role playing with your spouse is perfectly acceptable. Or how about visiting a nude beach, or a nude resort? Of course, you should always be careful, to avoid anything risky or appears to be sinful. I discuss the standard in which to judge pornography here.
What keeps Christians from doing many of these things is the assumption that sex is sinful in of itself. The assumption that looking on a woman "lustfully" is a violation of Matthew 5:28. I discuss the misunderstanding with this scripture here and explain its correct interpretation. Long story short, if you look into the original languages, you find the term "woman" is "wife". The term adultery is "unlawful intercourse with another man's wife". The term "lust" is "covet" or "desire with intent to take". So, the sin is not having sexual thoughts, but rather desiring to take another man's wife (literally).
Although you have liberty in Christ in all these things with your spouse, it does not mean you can do every erotic activity under the sun.. The idea is to keep it within the bounds of agreement between you and your spouse.
For instance, the world encourages you to have many sex partners, which is risky and also often sinful. The world also encourages you to do such things as "swinging" where you swap spouses. I discuss this topic here. I discuss activities to avoid in this article here. God's rules are not grievious (unlike maybe some church's rules). I actually discuss all the potential sexual activities you can do as a married or single person here.
People often goto extremes.. I call it pharisee and sadducee syndrome. Either you are very legalistic and create extra boundaries or you are so liberal you loose all boundaries.. Neither one is correct. Jesus was not a pharisee.. Pharisees made rules where God made none. They considered themselves more righteous or holy than other people. However, according to Jesus, even prostitutes would be in heaven before the pharisees, due to their hypocrisy - Matthew 21:31 . So, being legalistic does not please God. However, following God's laws does please God. So, it is a balance.. Sadducees were into ignoring God's law, minimizing its impact in their own reality. So, they were essentially liberal or secular.. In other words, no rules is not good either.. So do not ADD or TAKE AWAY from God's Word is the idea, as Revelation warns..
Since I was a young Christian, I have noticed this pattern with almost any doctrine or topic within the church. You have the pharisee approach and you have the sadducee approach to the topic or doctrine.. And often, Christians will gravitate to one or the other.. It is sinful nature to do so. Being more conservative or more liberal literally could be your sinful nature. Making extra rules, makes you high minded, having a false form of holiness. Taking away from God's Word, makes you liberal, secular. It is temptation for all of us to gravitate to one or the other..
I am not saying if you are conservative or liberal in your application of scripture that you are sinning. Rather, I am saying, be careful. Do not add to or take away from scripture. I tend to be more conservative with my approach to scripture (although on this one topic, I am guessing you are thinking I am the opposite).. Yet, being conservative does not come before being biblical or being right with God. So, putting your "ism" in check is always wise. As your "ism" could lead you to sin..
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